Jokes and Messages - 13

Joke :

Teacher: "Tell about the people who lived in the 13th century"

One student : "None of them are alive now"

Message :

A fact may not be a correct answer

Joke :

They sent a man and a chimpanzee in a rocket. Both of them were given an cover with instructions. On reaching the space station, the chimp opened its cover and started controlling complex knobs, set many parameters, ,wrote a big assembly language program and smiled at the man sitting relaxed. The man got angry and opened his cover and checked his instructions. It read," Feed the chimp regularly! "

Message :

The difference between skills and resume is proportional to the difference between job and job description

Joke :

A 4 member panel was conducting interviews. One of them was a psychologist. 3 ladies came for the interview. After the technical questions, they were asked the below question. 

"Tell about India? "

One lady answered "I love India! "

Second lady answered "India is my mother land"

Third lady answered "India is great"

All the 3 technical wise scored same marks.

Finally the other 3 members turned to the psychologist and asked who to be selected. 

The psychologist replied "The one in green saree!"

Message :

Mind selects what needs to be observed!

Jokes and Messages - 12

Joke:
Peter called John a pig. John went to court. The judge fined Peter. After paying the fine, Peter asked the judge whether he can call a pig as John. The judge mentioned that it doesn't violate any law. Peter turned to John and said "See you John!"

Message:
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet - William Shakespeare

Joke :
A priest was giving a speech. John walked away in the middle of the speech. Once the speech was over John's wife met the priest. She told him ," I am sorry that my husband walked away in the middle of your speech. Hope you were not insulted by that".The priest said not a problem. John's wife added " He has the problem of sleep walking since he was a child"

Message :
Some try to heal a wound and cause few more!

Joke :
Daughter asked mother ,"Mom do all the fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time''?".Mom replied, "No.Some start with 'Honey I got to stay late at the office for a work'!"

Message :
All fairy tales may be lies but all lies are not fairy tales.

Jokes and Messages - 11

Joke :
Husband and wife had an argument over baby care. Wife insisted that husband should take half of the responsibility. Husband said "ok.I will take care of the upper half and you take care of the lower half. "

Message :
This is the reason husband is referred as better half.

Joke :
Two guys were praying in a temple.One was rich and the other was poor. The poor guy prayed god for 100 rupees. The rich guy paid him 100 and the poor guy left the temple. The rich guy prayed god ,"God I gave him 100 rupees so that I can get your undivided attention"

Message :
Let us give undivided attention to life

Joke :
At a fruit shop. "One apple is 10 rupees. You take onr more apple you pay 18 rupees. "
"Take 8 rupees and give me that one more apple"

Message :
Gain by bargain

Jokes and Messages - 10

Joke : A guy prayed god to win the lottery.He didn't win that year. He prayer next year also but didn't win. The third year he prayed for many days.God appeared before him.The guy told God he didn't win for 2 years inspite of praying and he should win that year. God told "Son, make sure you buy a lottery ticket first before praying" Message : Let's build the foundation and pray God for the walls and roof. Joke : An old lady was having a pet parrot which can speak only one line I.e. "Who is this? ".One day the old lady went out for shopping leaving her parrot at home.A plumber came to the old lady's home.He knocked the door.The parrot asked "Who is this? ".The plumber replied "Its the plumber lady!".This question and answer were repeated so many times till the plumber fainted.The old lady returned home.Seeing a guy lying on the floor she shouted in shock ,"Who is this? ".The parrot replied ,"Its the plumber lady! " Message : People are parrots who can repeat lot many phrases Joke : Two guys were going in a boat.One guy wanted to smoke but didn't have the lighter. He pushed the other guy into the river and the boat became lighter.He lit the cigarette with that. Message : Smoking is injurious to health