Friday, August 30, 2013
Jokes and Messages - 20
Joke :
Mr X went to a doctor with a bump on the forehead and told the doctor as reason for the bump " I am a construction worker.I used to break stones with the hammer. Today my boss saw me and told me to use my head once in a while"
Message :
Outside of the head can't do the work of inside of the head.
Joke :
Mr X was working in Tipu sultan museum. A visitor showed a big skull amd askef whose
skull it was.Mr X replied "Tipu sultan".The visitor showed a small skull next to the big skull and asked the same question. Mr X replied "Tipu sultan's skull when he was 10 years old"
Message :
Man can't see what history doesn't show
Joke :Mr X was a doctor once.He was checking a patient in the eyes, then nose and finally the mouth with a torch light.He then took a paper amd scribbled "The torch is working"
Message :No light can make a man bright.
Jokes and Messages - 19
Joke :
A guy asked the parachute jumping instructor "How long it will take for me to reach the ground if my parachute doesn't open up?"
The instructor replied "The rest of your life"
Message :
In life we do activities and the activities should have life
Joke :
Teacher : Why do we see lightning first and then hear the thunder?
A student: We have the eyes in the front and ears in the back
Message :
lightning precedes thunder,sight precedes sound even in dictionary.
Joke :
3 priests discussed about how much they keep in the temple collection. One said "I take 20% and leave the rest to God".Second priest said "I take 40% and leave the rest to God".Last one said "I put the day's collection in a bag and throw upward saying 'God take your share and send back my share. So far God hasn't taken his share"
Message :
God gives and forgives.Man gets and forgets
Jokes and Messages - 18
Joke :
They had just introduced 'life' education in U.S.A mother of a second grade girl was waiting for her to return home. The mother was tensed about what they would teach on the new subject. Evening her daughter returned home and told "Mom today Miss taught me about how to make babies".Mom panicked to hear what would follow next. The girl continued "Remove the 'y' and add ' ies' !"
Message :
Tension is a much wasted human emotion
Joke :
It had snowed all over the city. One man comes late to office and reason as "I started walking from my home to office. For every step forward I went two steps backward. ".Boss "Then how did you come to office? "."I got vexed and turned walked fast to go home! "
Message :
All is well that ends well
Joke :
Few guys were waiting outside the maternity ward. A nurse came out and said "who works for double deer, you have got twins". A guy walked in with a smile. Few minutes the nurse asked "who works for Brooke bond 3 roses, you have a triplet.".A guy walked in smiling. Suddenly a guy started walking out saying "let me go.I work for 7up".
Message :
Numbers count.
Joke :
Two guys were going in a train.one had a fax machine and the other was with a small boy.They introduced each other.
"I am a sales rep for a fax machine company. This is my demo system"
"I am a sales rep for a birth control pills company. This boy is a customer complaint"
Message :
Customer is God
Jokes and Messages - 17
Joke :
Husband and wife just started taking hot coffee in a restaurant. Husband browsed the menu. He suddenly asked his wife to speed up drinking. Wife almost burnt her mouth. Once they were wife asked why the hurry. "Hot coffee was 30 bucks. Cold coffee was 90 bucks. I am not a fool to extra 60 rupees per cup unnecessarily! "
Message :
Some fears are hot , some are cold
Joke :
2 guys were selected for a space program and were undergoing astronaut training in U.S.One day they boozed heavily and for extra kick they had rocket fuel. The next day morning they had a telephone conversation which went this. "Did you go to toilet?"
"Not yet"
"Don't try. I am calling you from Africa."
Message :
If the limit goes high spirit can make one really fly
Joke :
Boss to a new joinee who came late at 10 a.m. - "You should have been here at 9a.m."
New joinee - (eagerly) "What happened? "
Message :
Curiosity kills the cat
Jokes and Messages - 16
Joke :
Patient - "Doctor I started sending email to myself"
Doctor - "What was the content of the last mail you sent to you? "
Patient - "Not sure. I didn't check mails after sending that mail"
Message :
What we write need not be right.What we don't write need not be wrong.
Joke :
A friend comes to Mr.X's home.There was no power at that time there.The friend was pressing the calling bell.Mr.X saw his friend thru' the window and told "There's no power. You better knock the door"
Message :
If the above joke is not funny you better laugh at that.
Joke :
3 guys were discussing their bad experience due to power cut.
"I once got stranded in a metro station for 2 hrs due to power cut."
"I once got stranded in a lift at my office for 3 hrs due to power cut."
"I once got stranded in an escalator of a mall for 4 hrs due to power cut."
Message :
If problem is in the mind then solution will not be there.
3 guys were discussing their bad experience due to power cut.
"I once got stranded in a metro station for 2 hrs due to power cut."
"I once got stranded in a lift at my office for 3 hrs due to power cut."
"I once got stranded in an escalator of a mall for 4 hrs due to power cut."
Message :
If problem is in the mind then solution will not be there.
Jokes and Messages - 15
Joke :
Interviewer asked the job applicant" How come your age is 35 and experience is 40 yrs.?". The response came "Overtime Sir !"
Message :
Time can only be used or wasted in the same day.
Joke :
Loan officer - "Considering your credit history you qualify only for auto loan"
Customer - "you mean money to buy car"
Loan officer - "I mean money you can lend yourself"
Message :
One should trust own self financially
Joke :
Employee - "My wife wants me to take leave tomorrow to clean the walls, roof, mop the floor and also clean the furniture"
Boss - "We are shortage of people. I can't give you leave tomorrow"
Employee - "Thanks Boss.I know I can always count you in"
Message :
Do your duty and leave it to the Boss!
Jokes and Messages - 14
Joke :
A panda went to a restaurant. Had a sandwich then took a gun and started shooting the plates, cups, other glassware. It left out quickly after saying "Check the dictionary to know who I am"
The restaurant manager checked the meaning of panda.It was written "panda - asian animal which eats shoots and leaves"
Message :
Don't look for meaning of meaning in dictionary.
Joke :
A car got stuck in a mud hole.A farmer came in a truck. Hel offered to help in getting the car out for 10 $.Once the car was out he got the money. "This is the 10th car I pulled out. "
"Ok.When do you work in your land, at night? "
"No.Night is when I pour water into the hole! "
Message :
Some create problems to give solutions
Joke :
A lady waa walking her dog.Behind her a big queue of ladies were going. One new lady came and spoke to the lady with the dog."I heard that your dog has bitten your mother in law. Can you give it for rent? ".
"That's ok but join the queue! "
Message :
Biting dog seldom barks !
Jokes and Messages - 13
Joke :
Teacher: "Tell about the people who lived in the 13th century"
One student : "None of them are alive now"
Message :
A fact may not be a correct answer
Joke :
They sent a man and a chimpanzee in a rocket. Both of them were given an cover with instructions. On reaching the space station, the chimp opened its cover and started controlling complex knobs, set many parameters, ,wrote a big assembly language program and smiled at the man sitting relaxed. The man got angry and opened his cover and checked his instructions. It read," Feed the chimp regularly! "
Message :
The difference between skills and resume is proportional to the difference between job and job description
Joke :
A 4 member panel was conducting interviews. One of them was a psychologist. 3 ladies came for the interview. After the technical questions, they were asked the below question.
"Tell about India? "
One lady answered "I love India! "
Second lady answered "India is my mother land"
Third lady answered "India is great"
All the 3 technical wise scored same marks.
Finally the other 3 members turned to the psychologist and asked who to be selected.
The psychologist replied "The one in green saree!"
Message :
Mind selects what needs to be observed!
A 4 member panel was conducting interviews. One of them was a psychologist. 3 ladies came for the interview. After the technical questions, they were asked the below question.
"Tell about India? "
One lady answered "I love India! "
Second lady answered "India is my mother land"
Third lady answered "India is great"
All the 3 technical wise scored same marks.
Finally the other 3 members turned to the psychologist and asked who to be selected.
The psychologist replied "The one in green saree!"
Message :
Mind selects what needs to be observed!
Jokes and Messages - 12
Joke:
Peter called John a pig. John went to court. The judge fined Peter. After paying the fine, Peter asked the judge whether he can call a pig as John. The judge mentioned that it doesn't violate any law. Peter turned to John and said "See you John!"
Message:
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet - William Shakespeare
Joke :
A priest was giving a speech. John walked away in the middle of the speech. Once the speech was over John's wife met the priest. She told him ," I am sorry that my husband walked away in the middle of your speech. Hope you were not insulted by that".The priest said not a problem. John's wife added " He has the problem of sleep walking since he was a child"
Message :
Some try to heal a wound and cause few more!
Joke :
Daughter asked mother ,"Mom do all the fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time''?".Mom replied, "No.Some start with 'Honey I got to stay late at the office for a work'!"
Message :
All fairy tales may be lies but all lies are not fairy tales.
Jokes and Messages - 11
Joke :
Husband and wife had an argument over baby care. Wife insisted that husband should take half of the responsibility. Husband said "ok.I will take care of the upper half and you take care of the lower half. "
Message :
This is the reason husband is referred as better half.
Joke :
Two guys were praying in a temple.One was rich and the other was poor. The poor guy prayed god for 100 rupees. The rich guy paid him 100 and the poor guy left the temple. The rich guy prayed god ,"God I gave him 100 rupees so that I can get your undivided attention"
Message :
Let us give undivided attention to life
Joke :
At a fruit shop. "One apple is 10 rupees. You take onr more apple you pay 18 rupees. "
"Take 8 rupees and give me that one more apple"
Message :
Gain by bargain
Jokes and Messages - 10
Joke :
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