Jokes and Messages - 21

Joke :

Doctor Mr X was checking a patient.He put stethoscope in the back and asked the patient to cough. He then put it in the lower back and asked to cough gently. He checked both sides of the chest and Stomuch asking the patient to cough gently. 

When he started to write the prescription the patient asked "What disease I have Doctor? ".Mr X told "You have cough"

Message :

Doctors must be patient

Mr X went to a new release Hollywood movie produced by MGM. The MGM lion roared on the screen immediately Mr X got up saying "This is an old movie.I have seen already. 

Message :

All new will be old one day

Joke :

Mr X ordered pizza. The pizza guy asked how many pieces to cut 4 or 8. Mr X replied "4. I could never eat 8 pieces"

Message :

No piece of mind

Jokes and Messages - 20

Joke :

Mr X went to a doctor with a bump on the forehead and told the doctor as reason for the bump " I am a construction worker.I used to break stones with the hammer. Today my boss saw me and told me to use my head once in a while"

Message :

Outside of the head can't do the work of inside of the head.

Joke :

Mr X was working in Tipu sultan museum. A visitor showed a big skull amd askef whose

skull it was.Mr X replied "Tipu sultan".The visitor showed a small skull next to the big skull and asked the same question. Mr X replied "Tipu sultan's skull when he was 10 years old"

Message :

Man can't see what history doesn't show

Joke :Mr X was a doctor once.He was checking a patient in the eyes, then nose and finally the mouth with a torch light.He then took a paper amd scribbled "The torch is working"

Message :No light can make a man bright.

Jokes and Messages - 19

Joke :

A guy asked the parachute jumping instructor "How long it will take for me to reach the ground if my parachute doesn't open up?"

The instructor replied "The rest of your life"

Message :

In life we do activities and the activities should have life

Joke :

Teacher : Why do we see lightning first and then hear the thunder? 

A student: We have the eyes in the front and ears in the back

Message :

lightning precedes thunder,sight precedes sound even in dictionary.

Joke :

3 priests discussed about how much they keep in the temple collection. One said "I take 20% and leave the rest to God".Second priest said "I take 40% and leave the rest to God".Last one said "I put the day's collection in a bag and throw upward saying 'God take your share and send back my share. So far God hasn't taken his share"

Message :

God gives and forgives.Man gets and forgets

Jokes and Messages - 18

Joke :

They had just introduced 'life' education in U.S.A mother of a second grade girl was waiting for her to return home. The mother was tensed about what they would teach on the new subject. Evening her daughter returned home and told "Mom today Miss taught me about how to make babies".Mom panicked to hear what would follow next. The girl continued "Remove the 'y' and add ' ies' !"

Message :

Tension is a much wasted human emotion

Joke :

It had snowed all over the city. One man comes late to office and reason as "I started walking from my home to office. For every step forward I went two steps backward. ".Boss "Then how did you come to office? "."I got vexed and turned walked fast to go home! "

Message :

All is well that ends well

Joke :

Few guys were waiting outside the maternity ward. A nurse came out and said "who works for double deer, you have got twins". A guy walked in with a smile. Few minutes the nurse asked "who works for Brooke bond 3 roses, you have a triplet.".A guy walked in smiling. Suddenly a guy started walking out saying "let me go.I work for 7up".

Message :

Numbers count.

Joke :

Two guys were going in a train.one had a fax machine and the other was with a small boy.They introduced each other. 

"I am a sales rep for a fax machine company. This is my demo system"

"I am a sales rep for a birth control pills company. This boy is a customer complaint"

Message :

Customer is God

Jokes and Messages - 17

Joke :

Husband and wife just started taking hot coffee in a restaurant. Husband browsed the menu. He suddenly asked his wife to speed up drinking. Wife almost burnt her mouth. Once they were wife asked why the hurry. "Hot coffee was 30 bucks. Cold coffee was 90 bucks. I am not a fool to extra 60 rupees per cup unnecessarily! "

Message :

Some fears are hot , some are cold

Joke :

2 guys were selected for a space program and were undergoing astronaut training in U.S.One day they boozed heavily and for extra kick they had rocket fuel. The next day morning they had a telephone conversation which went this. "Did you go to toilet?"

"Not yet"

"Don't try. I am calling you from Africa."

Message :

If the limit goes high spirit can make one really fly

Joke :

Boss to a new joinee who came late at 10 a.m. - "You should have been here at 9a.m."

New joinee - (eagerly) "What happened? "

Message :

Curiosity kills the cat

Jokes and Messages - 16

Joke :

Patient - "Doctor I started sending email to myself"

Doctor - "What was the content of the last mail you sent to you? "

Patient - "Not sure. I didn't check mails after sending that mail"

Message :

What we write need not be right.What we don't write need not be wrong.

Joke :

A friend comes to Mr.X's home.There was no power at that time there.The friend was pressing the calling bell.Mr.X saw his friend thru' the window and told "There's no power. You better knock the door"

Message :

If the above joke is not funny you better laugh at that.

Joke :

3 guys were discussing their bad experience due to power cut.

"I once got stranded in a metro station for 2 hrs due to power cut."

"I once got stranded in a lift at my office for 3 hrs due to power cut."

"I once got stranded in an escalator of a mall for 4 hrs due to power cut."

Message :

If problem is in the mind then solution will not be there.

Jokes and Messages - 15

Joke :

Interviewer asked the job applicant" How come your age is 35 and experience is 40 yrs.?". The response came "Overtime Sir !"

Message :

Time can only be used or wasted in the same day.

Joke :

Loan officer - "Considering your credit history you qualify only for auto loan"

Customer - "you mean money to buy car"

Loan officer - "I mean money you can lend yourself"

Message :

One should trust own self financially

Joke :

Employee - "My wife wants me to take leave tomorrow to clean the walls, roof, mop the floor and also clean the furniture"

Boss - "We are shortage of people. I can't give you leave tomorrow"

Employee - "Thanks Boss.I know I can always count you in"

Message :

Do your duty and leave it to the Boss!

Jokes and Messages - 14

Joke :

A panda went to a restaurant. Had a sandwich then took a gun and started shooting the plates, cups, other glassware. It left out quickly after saying "Check the dictionary to know who I am"

The restaurant manager checked the meaning of panda.It was written "panda - asian animal which eats shoots and leaves"

Message :

Don't look for meaning of meaning in dictionary.

Joke :

A car got stuck in a mud hole.A farmer came in a truck. Hel offered to help in getting the car out for 10 $.Once the car was out he got the money. "This is the 10th car I pulled out. "

"Ok.When do you work in your land, at night? "

"No.Night is when I pour water into the hole! "

Message :

Some create problems to give solutions

Joke :

A lady waa walking her dog.Behind her a big queue of ladies were going. One new lady came and spoke to the lady with the dog."I heard that your dog has bitten your mother in law. Can you give it for rent? ".

"That's ok but join the queue! "

Message :

Biting dog seldom barks !

Jokes and Messages - 13

Joke :

Teacher: "Tell about the people who lived in the 13th century"

One student : "None of them are alive now"

Message :

A fact may not be a correct answer

Joke :

They sent a man and a chimpanzee in a rocket. Both of them were given an cover with instructions. On reaching the space station, the chimp opened its cover and started controlling complex knobs, set many parameters, ,wrote a big assembly language program and smiled at the man sitting relaxed. The man got angry and opened his cover and checked his instructions. It read," Feed the chimp regularly! "

Message :

The difference between skills and resume is proportional to the difference between job and job description

Joke :

A 4 member panel was conducting interviews. One of them was a psychologist. 3 ladies came for the interview. After the technical questions, they were asked the below question. 

"Tell about India? "

One lady answered "I love India! "

Second lady answered "India is my mother land"

Third lady answered "India is great"

All the 3 technical wise scored same marks.

Finally the other 3 members turned to the psychologist and asked who to be selected. 

The psychologist replied "The one in green saree!"

Message :

Mind selects what needs to be observed!

Jokes and Messages - 12

Joke:
Peter called John a pig. John went to court. The judge fined Peter. After paying the fine, Peter asked the judge whether he can call a pig as John. The judge mentioned that it doesn't violate any law. Peter turned to John and said "See you John!"

Message:
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet - William Shakespeare

Joke :
A priest was giving a speech. John walked away in the middle of the speech. Once the speech was over John's wife met the priest. She told him ," I am sorry that my husband walked away in the middle of your speech. Hope you were not insulted by that".The priest said not a problem. John's wife added " He has the problem of sleep walking since he was a child"

Message :
Some try to heal a wound and cause few more!

Joke :
Daughter asked mother ,"Mom do all the fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time''?".Mom replied, "No.Some start with 'Honey I got to stay late at the office for a work'!"

Message :
All fairy tales may be lies but all lies are not fairy tales.

Jokes and Messages - 11

Joke :
Husband and wife had an argument over baby care. Wife insisted that husband should take half of the responsibility. Husband said "ok.I will take care of the upper half and you take care of the lower half. "

Message :
This is the reason husband is referred as better half.

Joke :
Two guys were praying in a temple.One was rich and the other was poor. The poor guy prayed god for 100 rupees. The rich guy paid him 100 and the poor guy left the temple. The rich guy prayed god ,"God I gave him 100 rupees so that I can get your undivided attention"

Message :
Let us give undivided attention to life

Joke :
At a fruit shop. "One apple is 10 rupees. You take onr more apple you pay 18 rupees. "
"Take 8 rupees and give me that one more apple"

Message :
Gain by bargain

Jokes and Messages - 10

Joke : A guy prayed god to win the lottery.He didn't win that year. He prayer next year also but didn't win. The third year he prayed for many days.God appeared before him.The guy told God he didn't win for 2 years inspite of praying and he should win that year. God told "Son, make sure you buy a lottery ticket first before praying" Message : Let's build the foundation and pray God for the walls and roof. Joke : An old lady was having a pet parrot which can speak only one line I.e. "Who is this? ".One day the old lady went out for shopping leaving her parrot at home.A plumber came to the old lady's home.He knocked the door.The parrot asked "Who is this? ".The plumber replied "Its the plumber lady!".This question and answer were repeated so many times till the plumber fainted.The old lady returned home.Seeing a guy lying on the floor she shouted in shock ,"Who is this? ".The parrot replied ,"Its the plumber lady! " Message : People are parrots who can repeat lot many phrases Joke : Two guys were going in a boat.One guy wanted to smoke but didn't have the lighter. He pushed the other guy into the river and the boat became lighter.He lit the cigarette with that. Message : Smoking is injurious to health

Cake Exhibition Pics - Chennai Trade Center - July 2013

Jokes and Messages - 9

Joke :
A lion, a hyena and a fox hunted rabbits together. The lion asked the hyena to divide the kill.The hyena divided into three equal parts and told the lion to take one portion. The lion killed the hyena in one blow.The lion asked the fox to divide the rabbits. The fox put one rabbit on one side and all the rest on another side and told the lion to the bigger portion. The pleased lion told the fox "Good. From whom you to divide like that?".
The fox showed the dead hyena.

 Message :
We need to learn from mistakes, ours and others.


 Joke :
A guy prayed god to win the lottery.He didn't win that year. He prayer next year also but didn't win.
The third year he prayed for many days.God appeared before him.The guy told God he didn't win for 2 years in-spite of praying and he should win that year. God told "Son, make sure you buy a lottery ticket first before praying"

Message :
Let's build the foundation and pray God for the walls and roof.

Jokes and Messages - 8

Joke :

Two senior close Joke :
Patient - " I get angry even for ordinary things"
Doctor - " How long you have this problem? "
Patient - "Its none of your business you fool!"

Message :
Anger management is danger management 

Joke:

Two friends were die hard cricket fans.One of them died.Soon the other guy got a call from the dead guy."I have good news and bad news. They play cricket in heaven. "
"Wow . What is the bad news? "


"In tomorrow's game you are batting first"

Message :
Life is a game


Joke :
Patient - "I forget things too quickly"
Doctor - "How long you have this problem? "
Patient - "Which problem you mean doctor? "

Message :
Memory helps both pleasure and pain

Joke :

Dentist - (While seeing the open mouth ...)
" A big cavity A big cavity A big cavity"
Patient - " Why do you say it thrice doctor? "
Dentist - "I said once.The rest are echoes"

Message :
Our body and mind echo our problems

Train - Images and moving images from a running train,beats of train sound

Videos:
Video from a running train:

A Train sound simulation by beats on a table:

Jokes and Messages - 7

Joke :
A guy visited his friend's house. During dinner a member of the host family said "10". All the host family members laughed. Another member said "43" and all the host family members laughed louder. Then someone said "78", everyone laughed holding their Stomuch. The guest was confused about what was going on. He asked his friend. He rreplied "Since telling entire jokes take this time we have cataloged them.So when someone tells the catalog number we laugh for that joke"
Message :
The catalog number of above joke is 63.

 

Joke :
A scientist was doing an experiment with a frog . After cutting each leg he said "jump".The frog managed to jump. After cutting the last leg the scientist said "jump", the fiog didn't jump.He wrote in the report " After cutting all the legs the frog becomes deaf.
Message :
Observed may not be the truth. Truth must be observed

 

Joke :Customer service rep to a book buyer: "Sir , this book is a thriller. Only in the last page you will know the gardener is the killer"
Message :Good communication is what not to say and when.

Jokes and Messages - 6

Joke :
Wife wanted to go for picnic and asking her husband for a long time. One day her husband came early and took her out for picnic. After driving for sometime he reached a burial ground.
Wife was upset and asked "Is it a picnic spot? with red face.Husband said " Do you think it's an ordinary place. You know people are dying to reach here"
Message :
Joy is in the journey not the destination

 

Joke :
Man: " My son has swallowed agarbathi stand"
Friend : "What happened then?"
Man: " Nothing. In our house we use banana only as agarbarhi stand!"
Message :
Some innovations don't do harm

 

Joke :
A man boarded a rocket.It was going in normal speed for some time . Suddenly there was a sound from the engine and the rocket started increasing the speed.
The speedometer showed 1 lakh km per second. The pilot panicked. The speed soon touched 1000 lakh km per second. The pilot closed his eyes in fear. When he opened his eyes, the speedometer was reading 1 crore km per second.. The pilot shouted "Oh god".A voice asked "Did you call my son? "
Message :
We don't notice when god listens!!

Jokes and Messages - 5

Joke:
It was a period when mirrors were just introduced in China. Only rich were owning.
A rich man was having a tall mirror in a secret room in his home. One day his wife went inside the room and saw her own image. She thought her husband has hidden a lady there and started crying near the door step. A monk saw her crying and asked for the reason. The monk went inside the room and came out.The monk told the lady " Don't worry my child. That lady had felt sorry and become a monk"
Message :
Mirrors reflect what you see!

 

Joke : (Folk story)
One guy's wife and mother used to quarrel always. One day he went of town for business. His wife and mother started the fight. The daughter in law hit the mother in law with ulakkai (long wooden rod used to power rice) in the neck. Mother in law lost her speech. Evening her son returned. She showed her son, , before dying, ulakkai, then her own neck and then the daughter in law. He couldn't understand. His wife explained as follows. " Your mother was telling you why you standing like ulakkai, take my chain and put in your wife' neck!"
Message :
Intelligence and innocence is a rare combination

 

Joke :To celebrate their 25th wedding day, a couple went to a restaurant. Immediately after getting seated, husband asked wife, "Would you like to take one more jilebi?".Wife asked "We haven't started anything. Why do you ask one more jilebi? ".Husband replied "Immediately after our marriage, I took you to a restaurant. You had a jilebi then"
Message :For timing you count.For counting you may not see time

 

Jokes and MEssages - 4

Joke:
3 guys were captured by enemies. Their enemies decided to hang them to death in a bridge over a flooding river. The first 2 guys fell in the river because the rope was tied loosely.They swam and escaped. When they tied the rope around the neck of the third guy he said "Pl. tie the rope tightly. I don't know swimming! "
Message :
It is sometimes better to be quiet than to speak the last words.

 

Joke:
Mother rat and child rat were chased by a cat.They escaped and entered their hole.As the cat approached the hole, the mother rat said "Bow wow". The cat ran away.The mother rat told the child rat ,
"See the use of second language!".
Message :
Language can be used for speaking or barking.

 

Joke:(my own)
A guy: " I don't believe in astrology"
Friend: "You may be like that as per your zodiac! "
Message :
People may believe astrology but astrology doesn't believe people.

Jokes and Messages - 3

Joke:
A hunter faced a lion in a forest.The hunter aimed to shoot and the lion aimed to jump on the hunter. They both missed and ran out of the forest. The next day the hunter went to the forest and put a x mark on a wall and start practising on improving his aim.He heard some sound on the other side of the wall.He climbed a tree and checked.The lion had put a x mark on a tree and practising jumping to improve its aim.
Message:
When practice makes perfect for an animal must work for human too.

 

Joke:
A guy watched a lonely guy in the train who was speaking to himself and laughing.He asked his neighbor what the lonely guy was doing. His neighbor told that he was telling joke to himself . suddenly the lonely guy pushed his hand in the air."What he is doing now? ".The neighbor told"He has already heard this joke before".
Message:
The perfection of madness increases the level of weirdness.

 

Joke:
3 lizards on the wall.1 told a joke to the other 2.The other 2 lizards both laughed but one of them fell down from the wall.
It fell down b'coz it clapped while laughing.
Message :
A normal activity leads to abnormal result due to circumstances.

Jokes and Messages - 2

Joke:
An old man asked his relative, a young guy "I heard that you learn spoken English through Postal.Let me see your skills, speak two words in English".
The young guy said "Sir Post!".
Message:
It doesn't matter how much one has learnt, one has to use whatever is learnt.

 

Joke:
A call comes to a police station." Sir, a thief has entered a house at no.12, first street, Gandhi nagar, Adyar."
"Ok.Who is calling"

"I am that thief.These guys are beating me without any gap"

Message:
Communicating right message at right time to right people always helps.

 

Joke:
Patron-"You normally extend one arm.Today you are extending both arms.
Beggar-"As business is going fine, I have opened a branch.
Message:

Expansion is a key to sustain any business.

 

 

 

 

A Cultural evening - July 2013

Videos:
Vishal and Vasanth on stage:

Mirudhangam slow motion:

 

Bharatham group dance slow motion 1:

 

Bharatham group dance slow motion 2:

Veena group concert: